I Need To Crawl

16/05/2017 § Leave a comment

An old piece from March 2016

I want to crawl but it’s not safe
the feeling a dull familiar ache
we fuck into darkness, not into light
a raw and frequent bite

when a scab is infected
you have to scrape it to purify the insides
that’s what I’m trying to do with us
that’s what I’m trying to do with me

I want to live with you and watch films and cook together in the evenings
sometimes it feels like a naive fairytale
because you like to read reddit when you’re eating
you like takeaways
and I had a gut feeling we will probably never live together

Revisiting this note I can add
my gut was wrong
I don’t feel that anymore
my quiet caring boy
I love you

I wrote
‘apparently I have anxiety
if that is true you use it as a weapon
to kick my teeth out when I try to speak
to say I am unhappy’

Revisiting this note I can add
my gut was wrong
I don’t feel that anymore
my quiet caring boy
I love you

I revisit again 6 months on and it’s another life
I live equally in the past, present and future
I live equally in my head and heart
I let writing settle before I release
I let things gather before I explode

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