31/12/2016 § Leave a comment

Something I wrote back in January 2016

As I moved the bin to empty
I noticed packaging for an egg and cress sandwich and smiled because I’d fed someone I love
which is a wonderful feeling
I am not one to buy people I love cheap packaged meals
I am one to cook, and I cook beautifully
but this was on offer you see, and it’s hard to feed my boyfriend at the best of times
he doesn’t really eat

I dreamt we were speaking
and I was sad but I can’t recall why
neither of us had done wrong but I wasn’t good enough
I’d failed at something, I’d embarrassed myself, I’d made a mistake
or something along those lines

I’m trying to pour our tea out of a double spouted teapot into two cups
to drink together
but I keep filling only mine
at the last moment, fear of thirst wins

I don’t have anxiety
I’m just anxious sometimes
I’m just human

I’ve made a mistake
it’s a moderate mistake as mistakes go
pack your trainers
it’s a hill with tea and cake on top
but a trek just the same

I hope I am forgiven
by you or by them or by god
I have baggage in every love handle
and my fingers end in snags


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