23/01/2016 § 1 Comment
I am wearing a suit and walking for an hour along a road which leads me back to my lovers. I pee in the corner of a filthy bus stop (it’s daytime and I’m sober, but really needed the toilet and wouldn’t reach one for over an hour) then sit on the pavement, meditating and waiting for the bus. It’s countryside here, well out of the city and rolling hills stretch away from me. My mind thinks ‘it’s a long wait’ because that’s what I’m supposed to think, waiting for an hour. But really it’s massively fucking short compared to the time it takes for things, and stuff, and life. I open my eyes gently and a string of bicycles whoosh past, how perfect are these moments. It’s hard for me not to contrast my suit to peeing in bus stops to listening to rap music to meditating. Don’t we all have such apparent contradictions which aren’t really contradictions at all? Why do I have to write this shit down, why can’t I just feel?