17/01/2013 § Leave a comment
13/01/2013 § Leave a comment
There is a plan to get coffee. There was one three but now there are three ones and I think it is a good idea to meet and chat in a neutral location. We never had neutral locations and the dice was always loaded, but not this time.
He lives paycheck to paycheck but thank god I hoard money like a magpie, pack rat, shack up with my bank account. I am not a sheep, I know this because in times of stress I burn bridges and go at it alone. It won’t last, I know, these things trickle away.
We all think we know best, most of us prefer our own wrong to another’s right. Education is both under and over appreciated. Education is an amazing thing but there is too much trust in the system and the information taught, people forget how limited and ethnocentric it really is, we’re just scratching at the paintwork of what there is to know.
We’re all just stumbling round in the dark, hands outstretched, grabbing onto anything we can. Skill of articulation can dramatically mislead, and this ability is easy to mistake as higher intelligence. Certainly, there is a correlation between the two. We need to be careful not to mistake well-written things as Truth.
Possibly, life is about giving and receiving light. Possibly it’s about meaning and connections and a kind of equilibrium of the soul that I find hard to explain. It’s an equilibrium which I know when I feel it, it’s like standing still in a battle unharmed, it’s like accepting mistakes and losses, or accepting that you can’t accept it. Time heals all wounds so throw yourself into things, you’ll survive.
It’s hard to avoid misery but everyone’s miserable, and knowing this gives a peace of companionship with the world. It’s a fact of evolution regardless of anything. I am sometimes miserable, because I am not in too deep, I am in too shallow. So do something ridiculous, make me scared, pull me into the sea in a storm. You don’t have to help me when I’m drowning, if I can’t save myself? I deserve to drown.
Most of us are decks of cards and a lot of us only pull out a few in our lives, not realising our full scope. People pull cards out of us and think ‘you’re the ten of hearts’ ‘the queen of spades’ ‘the four of clubs’. Yes I am, I am, I am these things- and fifty-three more.
It’s so easy when I’m happy, to believe I’ll never let myself feel misery again.
13/01/2013 § Leave a comment
I saw a dead pigeon on the ground, clean and plump, looking as if it had just dropped from the sky. I saw backwards temporary road signs across a ten mile stretch, black triangular holes swallowing headlights. I saw stone crosses on the roof of a supermarket. I saw a man with a face full of hate pick up litter to dispose of it, at the hand of sweetness. I saw a bus driver with a ring of shame and a loop of hair like an immense tear drop on his forehead. I saw a girl with a fur coat who looked as if she was made of china. I bit my lip and tasted blood. I was stressed in all the right ways. I saw I had a future.
05/01/2013 § Leave a comment
We’re having sex and I’m staring at bad reproduction of ‘The Creation Of Adam’ on the wall behind your head. There’s a inverted mirror image happening here because Adam’s genitals are shrunk and Adam and God are nearly touching fingers, whereas our genitals are swollen with life and our fingers are tightly entwined. I’m bored and looking for something interesting to occupy my mind so I stare at it, but it can’t stare back. I guess that shows a masterpiece is more interesting than two people fucking in an average way. I wish I were high on something so I could enjoy the painting and the sex more. I want to laugh about it all, but you wouldn’t understand even if I explained, and showing I’m bored and thinking of these things would be a terrible idea for my pocket and your enjoyment. So I bite my tongue and keep rocking.