Losing A Race I Don’t Understand

30/09/2012 § Leave a comment

I am losing a race that no-one is watching and I feel terrible about it. Which is heartening, it shows I care more about what I think of me than what others think of me, and that’s something we’re all supposed to be working towards.

The packaging on my new wig cap reads – ‘How fashionable! How cool!’- as if to mock itself and the people wearing it. I think it’s just bad translation.

My boyfriend has a fetish for bald girls (it’s much less creepy than it sounds) and came up behind me to touch my head with the wig cap on. I was putting my long silver wig on over the top, didn’t see him, and accidentally punched him in the face.

I punched him in the face some time later when we were having sex, he was using some type of vibrator, I had my eyes closed close to coming and misjudged the position of his head.

Sometimes I play with his belly button because he hates it and it amuses me. Sometimes I want him to lie on top of me so we can fall asleep with his body crushing me. Almost daily I check the top of his head for signs of melanoma. These are my ways of being in a form of love.


I Don’t Know The Point Of This

30/09/2012 § Leave a comment

A thought flips from 
and lays across the back of another thought. 
I scrape the mould from between them,
but mould causes rot,
and rot requires more than a chisel.
So I grow flesh to fill holes, 
in Petri dishes, 
from bitten nails mixed with protein from steak.
I need steak. 
I have a low iron count. 
I bleed too much on full moons,
from my heart, 
and my womb.
I know on full moons we’re meant to lose rationality, 
when waxing we’re meant to grow and pull good towards us, 
when waning we’re meant to push the bad away.
When new we wait
for fate
to tell us what to do.
Since I heard that I can’t help but believe it to be true. 
It’s a self fulfilling prophecy,
like telling someone you love them,
like saying you’re OK.
But sometimes it doesn’t make it true.


30/09/2012 § Leave a comment

Sirens are coming coming coming
And I’m just too mortal mortal mortal
I’m just too quiet and tired and sad but
Let me in your bed tonight
Let me in your head tonight
Let me in your arms tonight
Sirens aside, sirens aside, sirens aside
I lock the door, windows, walls
Sirens are scratching I hear their call
I promise you
Promise you darling
I’ll never be sad
Never be mad
Never be anything less than a perfect companion
Perfect romantic
Perfect decanter of liquor and semen and worries and money and
Love, love, love
Those sirens don’t love like me quietly,
They shriek it loudly their lies
I hide but you can feel it in my breath
I love with my breath on your back as we sleep
Hands as we eat
Yes I don’t shriek
But I can, if you want me to.


29/09/2012 § Leave a comment

You can’t get over
things by getting rid of them.
You can’t remove
something and live with a gap.
You can’t push out
habits, memories, and expect yourself to be OK.
The only way to get rid
of something is to push it out with something else.
The only way to get rid
of something happily is to replace it with something better.


28/09/2012 § Leave a comment

We’re all crossing great lakes
Or sitting still as great lakes pass over us
Hiding our faces hoping
We will not be seen and 10,000 tons of water will not drop on our heads
We’re all swimming
Even the ones of us who were never taught how
Trying not to think of large fish in the depths
Because we all know thoughts become real
That’s why gods exist
That’s why you can’t look behind you in dark alleyways
And if you start running
If you show you’re scared
You’re done for
Some of us believe we’ll reach a shore
And some of us don’t
But we all keep swimming because after all
What else are we going to do?


28/09/2012 § Leave a comment

It’s my responsibility to save myself.


28/09/2012 § Leave a comment

Everything’s muffled, even the pain. It isn’t sharp like a stab, it’s dull like tearing curtains. I don’t understand and often I just try to hold my soul still from wobbling.

Where Am I?

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