Trinity

29/06/2012 § Leave a comment

My mind tells me I have a soul
my soul tells me it is my heart
my heart says nothing, and continues pumping blood.

#6

29/06/2012 § Leave a comment

Make sure you can face yourself in the mirror.

Aggravation

29/06/2012 § Leave a comment

I am lying in bed stretched out on my side, a mass of flesh braced and still between soft and solid spaces.

The human body is a beautiful thing but tonight it bores me and I am irritated by its limitations. I imagine my flesh transformed to ice, twisted between the ground and sky like a temple of Roark’s from the novel ‘The Fountainhead’. I imagine my body wood, creaking and splitting on the surface of a salty lake. What if I were a coconut cracked on a rock by thirsty vicious hands, would the milk draining from me feel like blood? Pull my teeth and let me bite your metal with my open gums, I need that kind of relief.

A Few Years Back

29/06/2012 § Leave a comment

These days I lull myself to sleep imagining shooting a silenced pistol at velvet lumps. The violence and texture of the silent recoil and dull thuds send me to sleep better than anything else I attempt.

Last night I dreamt I had ran very far and splintered my shins. Thin brittle bones protruded from my legs and as I sat to rest I put a pistol in my mouth and shot through the back of my head, and my brains crawled down the walls.

I attempt to put methods in place to stop my suicide. I cannot end it until I have written not a suicide note, but a suicide novel. It will take a long time and maybe I’ll write my way out of it.

I honestly don’t know how I’ll survive life.

From a few years back, in a period when I was mentally unstable and very depressed.

Innocent Graffiti

29/06/2012 § Leave a comment

I’ve seen a lot of innocent graffiti around lately; glasses drawn on portraits, a street sign defaced by a spray-paint ‘hello’.

There appears to be no strong messages, humour or anger behind these. The purpose is just to make a mark, a spontaneous creation that relieve the boredom of the moment. I get the impression the creators of these simple pieces are confused. They are overwhelmed by influences with a need to react, but they aren’t sure what they are affected by, how it affects them, or how to react.

Sexual Attraction

29/06/2012 § Leave a comment

An attractive body without an attractive mind is barely fuckable at all. An unattractive body with an attractive mind is a half turn on, a frustration. Don’t misunderstand me, when I say ‘an attractive mind’ I don’t mean kindness. Kindness is an important quality I want everyone in my life to have but I’m talking about sexual attraction here, and I don’t masturbate to kindness.

There are many qualities that make a mind attractive but a key thing is some kind of fire whether that be power, dedication, passion, intelligence, ambition, awareness. Some kind of inner motivation that I couldn’t put out if I tried.

Sometimes I find a conventionally hideous person attractive because of their mind, I can almost feel my brain warp my eyesight and I become aroused. The filter my mind creates fascinates me, it’s as if I’m looking through a lens. I can pull myself back and view the glass with curiosity, I don’t try to pull the lens aside, it’s a dream state and I like to see how it changes and lasts and fades.

#5

28/06/2012 § Leave a comment

The sun will rise tomorrow.

Where Am I?

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